Dear Crohn's

an open letter to my disease - to anyone else suffering with any form of IBD or anything in general, stay strong.

Dear Crohn’s Disease,

It has been almost five years since you have entered my life. While you were a bigger part of my life when I was first diagnosed, you still continue to linger on. As of now, we will be stuck together forever which to be completely honest, haunts me. This year on world IBD day, I want to let you know how you have impacted my life. As much as I wish I could tell you to just go away, writing this open letter is the best that I can do.

You came into my life in September of 2014- my senior year of high school. What a great way to start Grade 12 and end my high school career! You really came in with a bang. It started with a few medical tests and then I got the news that I have a chronic disease. When I was told I needed to take a few pills and cut certain foods out of my diet, I accepted it. But I wasn’t okay when you started causing pain and suffering to my family and I. You wouldn’t let me sleep or eat. My sister would wake up on me crying from the pain you caused me. My parents had to watch me suffer and continuously bring me to the hospital because they didn’t know what else to do.

Before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s, I had absolutely no idea what it was or that people worldwide live with it. I was told by many people that the disease affects every patient differently. Whenever you cause me pain, I wonder about how you came into my life and where you came from. You entered my life without consent. Nobody was able to tell me how you got here and how to get rid of you. I had to accept the fact that we will be together for a long, long time. Even now, I still have trouble accepting it.

You changed the way I live my life. I was honestly naive to think that after my surgery, I would be fine. I was so excited to get rid of the part of my body that you totally ruined. I thought that my life would go back to normal— I was wrong. While you have settled down over the years and haven’t brought me back to the hospital, you still made it difficult for me to land on a medication that works. Thank you for finally accepting the medication I am currently on. I would have preferred to take the pills that I was initially prescribed instead of injecting myself with a huge needle every two weeks, but at least you aren’t as active in my body. At this point, I will take what I can get.

People who haven’t been affected by this disease will never understand the physical or emotional pain that comes with it. I was not expecting the long road — the pain, bathroom breaks, dietary restrictions, doctor visits, blood tests— that would follow my diagnosis. I am reminded of you every time I look in the mirror; my weight and the scar right under my belly button are indications that you are in my life and that you really never want me to forget you.

You’ve taken coffee, corn, and most junk food away from me and you punish me if I eat them. You’ve made me run to the bathroom with tears in my eyes. I find myself having to let people know about you so that they don’t question me having to use the bathroom often or my eating habits. Not being able to eat popcorn? You would think that isn’t a huge issue because that isn’t a main food in people's lives, but you ruined going to the movie theatre for me. I always have to sit through the whole movie smelling the buttery popcorn knowing I’m not able to eat it. 

It aggravates me that when I’m stressed out, you get irritated; it puts me under even more stress. Living with you has affected my life in more ways than you can imagine. I wish you never existed. I will say one thing though: despite all the suffering you have caused, you have made me stronger. Even though this does not mean I forgive you for all you have caused me, I have come to accept it.Even though no two patients affected by IBD (Inflammatory bowel disease) experience the same thing, I hope this letter and my posts inspire other people out there suffering from any kind of illness. 

While the disease oftentimes is ‘invisible’ remember that:

"EVERYONE YOU MEET IS FIGHTING A BATTLE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. BE KIND. ALWAYS."

regardless of what people are going through.

Sincerely,

Jade Farhat